Disclaimer: This is in no way a set-in stone guide to dealing with friends. You could take this as advice from someone who has had a fair share in friendship breakfast.
Before you go on, you should probably go listen to Johnny Drille’s wonderful single; “How Are You (My Friend) I mean it’s the perfect tune to read this exact post.
Here’s the link!
Let’s dive in!
What is a friend?
A friend is someone in my opinion that you take a liking to, trust to some certain extent, and have a degree of expectations from. That person is someone who you can trust to ride or die for you. Be there when it matters, join you in acts of comradely vawulence.
Who isn’t a friend?
Colleagues, course mates, acquaintances, someone you met once. This might seem like bull, but in all actuality it isn’t. Its so easy to call these categories of people friends when they aren’t. When we automatically assume without a certain understanding involved, we get surprised by “See Finish”. This doesn’t mean they have bad intentions towards you, they are just people you know. Keep your expectations low. NB: Your “guy” is not your friend. Say it with me, he is someone you know.
Who is actually your “enemy”?
This is the hard part. Its not like its written-on people’s faces that they actually hate you. It’s from their behavior towards you whether subtle or outright wicked, that determines who they are to you. Foe, fiend, bad belle, wizard, witch, whatever you might want to call it are people that don’t like you and want to see you fail. In short, your haterssss. As Bobrisky has many times said, haters are gonna hate.
Side tip: There are times that you don’t just like someone. They might rub you off in a weird way. It’s completely fine. You’re not a bad person, its not possible to like EVERYBODY.
A good friend and a bad friend.
A short illustration.
Let me give an example. There’s Mr. X (The bad friend) and Mrs. Y (The good friend). At the start of your friendships with both of them, they are automatically tagged as okay friends. This point, your opinions and evaluations of them are just beginning. Along the way they fall short or take their roles of being friends seriously. (There are rules/roles of being a friend, it’s a subtle something. More on it, later on in this post)
Folake you talk bad about Bolu behind her back, you shared her secrets, you did her dirty. You are a bad friend. Accept it. This isn’t about Folake and Bolu.
The Hierarchy of Friendships.
- Sister/ Brother (This is has passed friendship, you are blood now. It’s giving siblings energy)
- Best Friend. BFF, BFF4L, whatever you call it, you sha get the gist. These are your people; you have been through ups and downs together. Literal ride or die.
- Close Friend: You realize you have one of these, when you say; “Oh, we have gotten close oh! Wow, that’s nice.”
- Intermediate Friend: I just came up with this. You’re getting to know this person. Figuring if the energies are matching. Take your time at this stage.
- Friend: You have decided to give this person a shot. You’re willing to trust and build a meaningful relationship with them.
- Someone you know: It means as exactly as it says. They are interesting people you would like to know better.
Some unspoken rules of the hierarchy.
- Ma fo. Don’t jump. I’m talking to you Solape. Solid friendships take a while to build.
- Bayo ma lo te. Don’t be forming familiar.
Now that we have concluded the basic definitions, let’s get into the main koko of the matter; Managing Friendships.
Basic Rules/ Requirements of Friendships.
- Love and Loyalty and Trust. These are crucial structures in building a solid foundation for a friendship. Love your friends, trust them and be fiercely loyal. Don’t do your gees dirty.
- Honesty is key. At every point you feel something is up, be honest and voice your opinions as nicely as possible. Let your friendship be a safe space where you can share things without deceit. There’s a difference between brutal honesty and being plain rude. There’s absolutely no need to codedly be insensitive in your quest of saying things as they are.
- Respect. Multigrace students’ alumni probably know this. “Respect for self, respect for others. I say it again; it doesn’t pay to be rude especially to friends. Don’t just treat your friends anyhow because they are “your friends” and they “should understand”. It’s not the way you are Precious, you are just not trained well.
- Don’t cross your boundaries. This! Fine, the way we flirt on this side of the world is through insults (yes, I am calling most girls out here, lol). A few big head and ode sprinkled here and there is cool, but when you hear “your useless popsi” / “omo ale” one has stepped into dangerous territory. This doesn’t just apply to insults. There are some lines one should never cross.
- Be thoughtful. Every one is going through something. Sometimes it’s necessary we put our troubles aside and check up on our padis. That “How are you doing, really?” goes a long long way.
- Be open to criticisms. Please and please coconut head attitude is not the way to go. No one is perfect, hence we all make mistakes. Constructive criticisms help build a better person.
- Go out, have massive fun together. Let the actual outing planning leave the group chat. That’s right, I’m talking to you my actual friends. Exciting outings create lifelong memories.
- Space. We all need time to ourselves sometimes. It doesn’t mean that the person is no longer interested in the friendship, they just need well, space. Side tip: Don’t go to your bruv’s house unannounced or too frequently. Even the Bible advised it.
- Finally, settle disagreements properly with clear concise communication. Fights happen naturally and it takes people being open and understanding.
And that is it for the roles of a friend.
Other things you should know.
- Don’t be too trusting. It’s been heard that some siblings can snatch their sibling’s bae.
- Avoid any type of see finish. Take it as the last thing that should ever happen.
- You gan show werey. There are some people that take werey as a sort of test. Like, you have to be a bit crazy to be my friend. Literally crazy vibe check. Sometimes when you show people that you don’t collect nonsense, they behave. Your werey sees my werey. Respect.
- Expect the unexpected. Even at this, people will be people and show you shege. Don’t take it too personally. A longtime friend can choose to drop the friendship for absolutely no reason. It may not even be your fault in any way, you just have to move on. It’s painful to lose a friendship but you’ll get over it. Eventually.
Plix and plix all names used are only for illustration purposes. All similarities to existing people and situations are purely coincidental. My apologies especially to all girls who bear the name; Precious. You have suffered and probably will still suffer the stigma. Best regards.
Definitions of some terms
- Vawulence -exactly as it is violence.
- See Finish – a point where the disrespect has reached its peak.
- Werey – craziness.
- Shege – personification of wickedness.
Thank y’all for reading, we appreciate all your love and support. We hope to reach the stars with you by our side.
Much love ❤