In other words; “The Mishaps of a Lagos Boy“.
(A dual entry)
Sometimes I feel like when adventures, outings, flexing, whatever you might call them happen, and we gist people, we neglect something important in its own way. The bad things that happen along the way. These also contribute to the narration. I take it as something to learn or avoid in the future. The lessons from the mishaps.
I have said and will still say; Computer village can be such an awful place sometimes. The chaos or rather the immense werey that resides there is something to be worried about. I would say that these encounters snapped me back to the harsh reality of Lagos. That anything could happen, at any time, no matter your specialty of avoiding wahala gave me something to think about.
Here’s what happened to me recently.
I was walking from Ikeja under bridge to computer village when someone was calling me. Not calling my name (God forbid) but calling out to me. Like my mom told me when I was 5 or younger; “Don’t answer any stranger”. Before I knew it, one idiot came to tap my head. The unimaginable audacity. No regard at all. What rubbish. He went to say; “Ogbeni, shey you no know Baba dey call you?”
At that point, I contemplated a possible escape. To japa in short. But in that particular scenario (courtesy to Papeeyah) I couldn’t. Eventually, I met this so called “Baba”. A short, bald, very black man asking me to do transfer. We’ve really gone far with billing in Naij to be honest. He didn’t even say the usual “fun wa lowo”. He had the effrontery to demand transfer. Next thing he said when he noticed it was definitely not happening was that I transfer or die. Die biti bawo? I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give him the #500 or so in my pocket, but I decided against it. Who did this rubbish “Baba” think he was?
Mind you, I wasn’t showing the bravado I’m saying rn. Proving stubborn and claiming your rights with agberos never turn out well. I resorted to whining him. My escape line was; “When you see me next time.”
Where will the werey see me next time lol.
Now this was more traumatic.
Still in that same computer village on another day, a useless man named Deji (I don’t even know if that’s his real name.) came posing as a “computer engineer”. He was being too touch touchy, already forming familiar. That should have been my first red flag. I was trying to detach from him without drawing attention to myself. He began asking me stupid questions like what was my name, where I was coming from, to all I gave fake answers to. All this was for him to leave me alone. Then my mom called. Na when I lose guard. He took that opportunity to snatch my phone.
That’s how he turned on agbero mode. He used me to walk aimlessly in that place. Guy, the switch up was crazy. The way Maria from BBN 2021 perfectly acted her role in Biggie’s house was how this man played his role as “Deji the computer engineer” to the letter. From there he starts being aggressive and unreasonable. The first peculiar thing he said was; “You dey look me with glasses, commot that thing.” Bear in mind, I wasn’t wearing my regular sun shades (from the what’s in my bag post), it was my regular “recommended glasses.” I removed it. The next weird thing he said was; “Alaye, buy smoke for me”. It was at that point I noticed that more thugs were slowly swarming towards us. That heightened my discomfort to the max. That is not a situation anyone should find themselves in. He dismissed them saying; “Fi eleyi le, mo wa pelu e”. I had already given him #500 so I could get my phone back. The matter then turned to him looking for “change” to give me. At several instances he made as if he was ready to run away, and I wasn’t going to have that all. I was tailing the idiot steadily.
All the while, there were on lookers, particularly two dispatch riders. The thing is that in Lagos, no one sends you. They were laughing. I was so pained. Eventually through God’s grace, a guardian angel intervened. This man came and asked what was going on, to whch I started shouting that the agbero was with my phone. Now this Deji fellow was close to bolting. I was about to breakdown with the fear that I was going to lose my phone that wasn’t even a year old. (I am sure you’re feeling for me at this point. Thank you.) Fortunately, the good Samaritan worked his magic. He gave the thug some money in exchange for my phone. That was how I was saved. After a piece of advice from and a quick thank you, I clumsily ran as fast as I could to take a bus home.
These streets ain’t safe anymore my people. Always be prepared at a moment’s notice. God be with y’all.
P.s: It’s not funny at all. T for thanks. I’ll know if you’re laughing. Don’t ask me how, just watch out.
Definition of some terms……
Fun wa lowo- Give us money.
Commot that thing- Remove that thing.
Fi eleyi le, mo wa pelu e- Leave this one alone, I am with him.
Die Biti bawo- Die as howwww?
Find all our socials here! 👇🏾
Stay Safe! ❤✨